NATIONAL LAMPOON
The name that started it all. Guaranteed to get you laid or beat up.

BLUTO
Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!

WALLEY WORLD
Sorry folks, park's closed. Moose out front shoulda told ya.

ANIMAL HOUSE
Seven years of college down the drain.

FUNBAGS
Boobs, bazookas, flapjacks, sweater kittens, tatas, guns, flesh pillows, knockers, jugs, headlights, air bags, melons, bouncers, or sin cushions. Call them whatever you want, with this shirt you're certain to be felt up.

FREE MUSTACHE RIDES
Save a horse... ride a mustache.

I'M BEING STALKED ON MYSPACE
You have 3,000 MySpace friends. At least 5 of them are plotting to kill you.

I KILLED A GUY WITH A TRIDENT
We're really proud of you. You kept your head on a swivel, and that's what you gotta do when you find yourself in a vicious cock fight.

TWO CHICKS AT THE SAME TIME
Two chicks? That is some sweet action.

TALENTLESS BUT MOTIVATED
You may not be the most talented girl in town, but you are the easiest.

PLEASE READ MY BLOG
You are not funny or clever. Your blog is mind-boggingly boring and the only reason anybody ever visits your page is because of the occasional web-cam nudity.

I LOVE BACK SEATS
Is there anything more romantic than the back seat of a 1989 Dodge Lancer? Yeah, we didn't think so.

I ROCKED THE CASBAH
The 1980s were totally tubular. We rocked that casbah like nobody's business. If you pretend you didn't, you're lying.

BODY BY VIDEO GAMES
Thank you Mario, Zelda, and Madden. We owe our man tits and virginity all to you.

SWEET LINCOLN'S MULLET
Most Americans are unaware that President Abraham Lincoln was the originator of the classic mullet hair style. He also invented parachute pants and the Rubik's Cube.

I LOVE HAN
Sure, he may be a stuck up, half-witted, scruffy-looking, nerf-herder. But he's cute and he wears a vest. And who doesn't love a man in a vest?

I SPEAK JIVE
Jus' hang loose, blood. She gonna catch ya up on da' rebound on da' med side.

SAVE FERRIS!
The key to faking out parents is the clammy hands. A lot of people will tell you a good phony fever is a dead lock. But if you get a nervous mother you could wind up in a doctor's office.

URBAN COWGIRL
Are you a city slicker? Have you saved a horse and rode a cowboy? Well, if you haven't, you should. And if you have, this shirt is for you. Giddy up ladies!

YOUR MOM BLOWS LIKE A VOLCANO
Your mom is a classy lady. That's why we were all so surprised she spent last night in the back of a 1983 conversion van with half of the "Johhny's Inn" softball team.

I WOULD LIKE TO EXTEND TO YOU AN INVITATION TO THE PANTS PARTY
Come on in!

10th ANNUAL STABBY McMURDERSON GOLF CLASSIC
If you didn't make the "cut", you can still support this prestigious event by wearing the shirt.

I'M A BIG DEAL
Maybe you haven't heard. I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.

SOMETIMES, WHEN I'M ALL ALONE, I GOOGLE MYSELF
Oh baby, I can't control myself. Have you seen my metatags? They're so sexy. And my keywords... Rrrrrrrrrrrrr.

I WON'T LOVE YOU LONG TIME
Sorry stud, but I work the 5am shift at the Imperial Palace. Let's get this over with.

CHUCK NORRIS / JACK BAUER 2008
There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq... because Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.

WHAT WOULD PONCH DO?
Officer Francis Llewellyn Poncherello is a very wise and sexy Mexican. We could all learn a lot from him.

I'VE BEEN IN A HILTON
And it was filthy.

FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING FUCKER
You kiss your mother with that mouth?

I "LOVE" SOCCER MOMS
You are one fine piece of mommy meat. We never knew the third row seat of a Dodge Caravan could be so much fun.

I HAVE TOURETTE SYNDROME, FUCKER
Bitch! Slut! Whore! Oh, sorry about that. Can't control myself. Mother Fucking Asshole Dick Pussy!

I MET A TENDERONI AT THE PEACH PIT AFTER DARK
It was another crazy night in the 90210. David Silver was rockin' the turntable. Donna Martin just graduated. I met a tenderoni and life was good.

SURE THING
Not many things in this life are guaranteed. However, getting lucky with you is one of them. It's not a matter of IF... it's only a matter of WHEN.

HASSHOLE
You've been called a lot of things in your lifetime. But an old man calling you a Hasshole in an Arby's parking lot was the most hurtful and confusing of them all.

PERSONAL AD ALIBI NEEDED
We hope this guy finds what he's looking for. But we hope the police find him first.

PEE WEE SUPERSTAR
Has anybody's celebrity star shown brighter than that of Pee Wee? Maybe Marlon Brando in his prime. But just maybe.

DOUBLE DOWN
You always double down on an eleven. Always.

P IS FOR PORTMAN
Damn Natalie, you a crazy chic.

WHEN I PASS OUT LATER TONIGHT
I only have a few simple requests. And if you're kind to me, the next time I find you face down under a park bench I will return the favor.

GUNS DON'T KILL PEOPLE, O.J. KILLS PEOPLE
O.J. kills, so drink milk. You've been warned.

BABY, TONIGHT I WON'T SHOOT FIRST
Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no substitute for a good blaster in your pants.

HOW YOU DOIN' JOHHNY CAKES?
Vito likes the tall stacks.

HOMOSEXUALS ARE GAY
In other breaking news... heterosexuals are straight!

DRUNK CHICKS DO ME
Hey sexy lady, let me buy you another refreshing Zima.

I HAVE THE BIGGEST COCK IN THE BAND
Sure you do.

I WAS A BIG DEAL IN 1982!
Ahh... the 1980s. Breakdancing, mustaches, Atari, and virginity (which technically lasted into the late 1990s.)

PLEASE STOP SENDING ME VIRAL VIDEOS
The guy gets a tennis ball to the nuts. We get it.

GILF
Milfs are a wonderful treat. But if you ever have the opportunity to bump uglies with an elusive Gilf, you won't be sorry.