STOP WARS
We're not going to get political here. But who would win a tiny throwdown between an ewok and a jawa? That would be the cutest fight ever.

LOVELY SKULL
If there were such a thing as sexy female pirates, this would surely be their emblam.

HEART SPLAT
What's that? You think we should see other people? Splat.

A FLOCK OF SEAGALS
Often regarded as the most dangerous band of the 1980s, the Flock of Steven Seagals once roundhouse-kicked "Air Supply" right out of the Indiana State Fair grounds.

DRINK LIKE A CHAMPION TODAY
Drinking alchohol may be the only thing in life you're actually good at. Embrace it.

BEAVER FEVER
There's only one prescription for a case of beaver fever. More beaver!

PUNCH ME I'M IRISH
Next time you meet a leprechaun, go ahead and punch him right in the teeth. He's got it coming.

I GOTTA HAVE MORE COWBELL
Never question Bruce Dickenson. NEVER.

THIS IS MY PARTY SHIRT
I don't wear party pants.

WARRIORS
If you need to ask, you wouldn't understand.

MEAT IS MURDER
Maybe eating meat is wrong, maybe it isn't. Who are we to say? But I think we can all agree that Slim Jims are really delicious.

MOM, DAD: I'M GAELIC
Seriously, I thought you already knew. Why do you think I've been hanging around with those Lord of the Dance guys?

BREWERS MIDDLE FINGER
We salute you Cubs fans.

BREWERS WE'RE #1
The Cubs still suck!

FRIENDS HELP YOU MOVE - REAL FRIENDS HELP YOU MOVE BODIES
It's funny because it's true.

OFFICIAL GAMBLING LOGO
Are you interested in telling the world you're a sick, low-life, degenerate gambler? Us too. See you in Reno!

COLLABORATE AND LISTEN
Something grabs a hold of me tightly. Flow like a harpoon daily and nightly.

SUCK FOR A BUCK
Who was that drunk lady dancing on the bar with the saggy boobs, covered with candy lifesavers?

YOU'RE AWESOME
Each time you look into the mirror, you'll be reminded how truly sad and weird you are.

WE COME IN PEACE
Earthlings: Please stop shooting at us. We're just dropping in to say hello. Geez.

FANTASY FOOTBALL LEAGUE CHAMPION
Your days of agonizing over which backup kicker to take in Round 12 of your draft has paid off. You are officially the biggest fantasy football geek in your entire subdivision.

BEST MALE PERFORMANCE
You were amazing last night. The way you fell down an entire flight of stairs and crushed two waitresses was about as smooth as it gets. This shirt is for you. You've earned it.

BEST FEMALE PERFORMANCE
Your deafening screams were more than enough to get everyones attention. And when you started crying and kicking, you left no doubt that you are nuts and can never be taken out in public again.

SAN DIEGO IS GERMAN FOR WHALES VAGINA
Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diego, which of course in German means a "Whale's Vagina".

FUTURE TROPHY WIFE
Your future husband will be 25-30 years older than you. Congratulations and enjoy the fellatio!

THAT'S HOW I ROLL
Can you please help me up? I seem to have fallen over.

WE WILL DESTROY YOU
They may look innocent, but these two cold-blooded killers will sand the floor with you and then wax you on and off. Ouch.

I'LL BET YOU $300 I DON'T HAVE A GAMBLING PROBLEM
You're not a gambling degenerate. What's the big deal? So you sold your mother's wedding ring to get some sweet action on an Arena Football game. It looked like a sure thing.

SCIENTOLOGY "YOU HAD ME AT HELLO"
If it's good enough for Cruise, it's good enough for me!

STATE CHAMPION
This shirt will fool dumb people into thinking you may actually be good at something.

CENSORED
This shirt is censored for your protection. Strategic pixelation saves the day!

COLEGE
You've spent 6 years and thousands of dollars on an education. Too bad all you have to show for it is 25 lbs and an untreatable STD.

I GOT WOOD
Hey stud, is that a toothpick in your pants or are you just happy to see me?

DICK IN A BOX
Hey girl... I got something real important to give you.

TUNE IN TOKYO
Most men think they're doing women a favor when they execute their "nipple pinch and twist" maneuver. Here's a hint: Stop. You're retarded if you think women like that.

INSECURITY
Big, tough guys work security at bars and concerts. You are a tiny, timid fairy man. In this shirt, there's a good chance an actual security dude will punch you in the throat.

I DON'T WANT TO PRESS 1 FOR ENGLISH
We love illegal immigrants as much as the next guy. But this is America and we speak English dammit!

I SMELL LIKE STRIPPER
It's an entoxicating mixture of cheap perfume, unfiltered cigarettes, pizza rolls, and gin.

EVERY GIRL REMEMBERS HER FIRST DIRTY SANCHEZ
Is there anything more magical than your wedding night? Only if it involves a smelly mustache.

JERKASS
You look weird and smell like pepperoni.

Wii-Tarded
Put down the controller, you're embarrassing yourself.

GUNS DON'T KILL PEOPLE - I KILL PEOPLE
That's right sucka. I'll kill ya.

SUPPORT SINGLE MOTHERS
Exotic dancers need your support. $1 from the sale of each shirt goes directly towards a dirty lapper.

I GAVE MY WORD TO STOP AT THIRD!
You're not a virgin. You've been more accurately described as a two-bit street whore. But in this shirt, your parents will think you're as pure as newly fallen snow.